Kathy....

Well... I guess first of all... this is a disclaimer moment (since I know now that people read my blog). This is for me, and people that I know (personally) and love (in any way shape or form) so if you don't qualify then well... Keep rude opionions to your self....

Kathy... First and formost, she and I don't work in a relationship beyond friendship, this summer has proven that. As far as that goes, it's fairly perminantly and determained.... However right now in case kathy is reading, and I hope she is , it should be noted that she is worthy of the love I hoped we would have, and that she still, and will always have no matter what, have my devotion as a friend.

As of today, we are offically not even exploring anything more than friendship (strickly), which for me, kind of hurts. Mostly because I love her (obviously) more than anyone out side of my immediat family. In fact, she taught me what it means to truely love wheather she meant to or not . But here I am, facing the reality that it doesn't work... Well... between she and I, hopefully between me and somebody else one of these days... but righ now I don't know what to do with my life.... For a long time in one way or another she has given me direction... Either to get her to love me the way I want, or to keep her love when she offered it...

Dispite my current lack of direction, and general feeling of hurt, ultimitly it should be said that I am so increadibly greatful for her. For my having gotten to meet her, for her wanting to persue friendship with me, for at one time her offering her love to me, and I guess even for her deciding that I wasn't the right person for it. I know I love her, because I can say, even in my pain right now, that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I hope that one day she, and I both find the people that we need to be with. And more so than that, I hope that she and I continue to have the same, deep friendship that in the past, has gotten us, mainly me in to trouble, but hopfully with out so much confusion and hurt.

Kathy, if you read this I hope what you get from this is that above all, I value your friendship and hope to have it always (as you will have mine). For everyone else, don't lose site of what is important to you like I repeatedly have. Good night.